Sandy El-Bitar knows a thing or two about not doing OK. Her father died on the eve of her family’s immigration from Lebanon, she’s worked in palliative care, and, as a drama therapist, she spends her days helping people deal with emotional problems. But Sandy is also a comic — and instead of running away from the pain in life, she thinks there is something beautiful about finding the humour in it.
SFX crowd filing in…
SANDY:
I solemnly swear to be open to play, and to cherish the joy of silliness.
TP:
This is Sandy el Bitar, and she’s onstage at the House of Jazz in Laval, Quebec.
Tonight, she’s hosting the first-ever comedy show that she’s also produced.
It’s called Not for Laughs: A Comedy Show for People Who Are Not Doing OK.
SANDY: 1438
So how many of you here is dealing with fatigue? (cheering)
Low back pain? (cheering)
Stress? (cheering)
Depression? (cheering)
Ok, mean aunt? (cheering) It’s just – see, just my family is dealing with this problem.
TP
She’s lined up four other comedians for tonight’s show, and right now, she’s warming up the crowd, which also includes her mother and siblings.
Sandy 554 - 602
It's really hard to be a clown and make your parents proud. So, but I made it! She's here!
TP:
Sandy’s originally from Lebanon, where she first tapped into the healing power of laughter as a way of coping with the challenges she faced growing up.
3247 - 3309
I developed my sense of humor because I needed it to survive so many things as a child, as a teenager.
And later in my life, I started enjoying it.
It's maybe one of the cheapest and most adaptable coping skills.
TP:
Sandy El Bitar has lived in Montreal since 2015 [correction: 2018], where she also works as a therapist, a role she took on after completing a Master’s degree at Concordia University in drama therapy.
Sandy 1428 - 34
In drama therapy, our work is more embodied. So, transformation happens at a much deeper level.
1408 -13
Trauma or like, whatever we've lived in our life is scored in our body.
1352 - 1406
So we use our imagination, colour, uh, colours, role play, metaphor, we draw, sometimes, we move.
TP:
Sandy: Okay, so, take a very deep breath… (breathes in)
And Sandy has found a way to meld her two passions - therapy, and comedy, like she’s doing in this moment, from the stage.
16:57 - 17:08 (FROM STAGE)
And when you want to breathe out, Siiiigh. Ah, yes.
TP:
I’m Tina Pittaway. More with Sandy El Bitar next, on Countless Journeys from the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21.
TAKE MONTAGE
SFX TINA AND SANDY SETTING UP FOR RECORDING
You're all comfy.
Yes but just to let you know, there's a cat living in the space and might be naughty.
No problem. I've got a cat here too.
TP:
When I first read about Sandy El Bitar, I was searching for information about using humour as a stress reliever.
I found a paper she had written about something I didn’t know much about - something called drama therapy.
A quick google search of her name also returned results highlighting her stand-up comedy work.
After a few phone calls, where I learned more about Sandy’s life, and journey to Canada from Lebanon, I wanted to feature her story on this season of Countless Journeys.
Sandy’s brand of comedy has a dark edge to it. Well, maybe not just an edge - at times the darkness is central to her storytelling.
On stage, Sandy shows a bit of swagger, but also vulnerability, encouraging the audience to laugh with her.
Even when it makes them a bit uncomfortable.
That’s because Sandy believes in humour.
Even when things are really, really tough.
Maybe even especially when things are tough.
There’s a lot of ground to cover, and to begin with, I wanted to know how Sandy, raised in a religiously conservative family in Lebanon, first discovered the power of humour.
SANDY EL BITAR 312 - 338
My journey with humor started at a very young age.
I remember being so interested and excited to find comebacks with people the age of my parents.
So, whenever they would say something to me, I would say something funny back. I feel, oh, it's so interesting that I can make people much older than me, laugh or interested in the conversation.
515 - 610
I really enjoyed laughing in situations that were so difficult.
So, I was very involved in my community always.
And so, whenever someone died, I would definitely go to the funeral, although people hate these moments, but I felt, like, in these moments I could connect with that person who's really living heavy emotions and find a way to play with them and then laugh and I used to get a lot of satisfaction from being able to break the heaviness in a way or in another, while respecting the situation, respecting what's happening.
I think laughing in dark moments was the most fun for me. I felt that I'm taming the situation in a way or another.
TINA PITTAWAY
That interest in performing eventually led Sandy to enroll in theater school in her mid-teens.And it was there that a friend mentioned a local hospital was looking for people to train as clowns.
SANDY EL BITAR
We were trained by a clown doctor that came from Italy. His name is Rodrigo Morgante. He's a wonderful, wonderful therapeutic clown.
And also we had the training with nurses and a psychologist to give us an idea of the lived experience of the patients in the hospital and in our workshops or training we were given prompts or instructions and we improvisedgames or reactions to do in each room.
So every room was a different improvisation and play. First we worked in oncology, pediatrics.
In the hospital we used to go, and the energy in the hospital would be one thing and when we're leaving the whole floor would be lighter. So, the patients enjoyed that, their families, people working at the hospital as well.
You know, this is a very stressful environment sometimes. And the heavy, there's lots of pain, guilt, shame, sometimes suffering happening in these rooms. So, so playing there was the difference was so obvious.
Later on in my life, I worked with older adults in palliative and end of life care.
COMEDY PERFORMANCE CLIP TRANSITION TAPE MIXED IN
Sandy perf. 2235 - 420
There is another person that I used to visit a lot. He was very, very sick. He had a recurrent cancer and his insides were really rotten. He was also very angry, was angry at God. Why is he still alive?
And, uh, one time while I was visiting him, his son was present in the room and, there was so much tension in the room, uh, they were discussing cable bills.
But so much stress.
So I go inside the room and say hello sitting with them and As we're all together my patient breaks wind he farts and it smelled like really really really bad.
And as the smell gets to me, I scream like, Oh my God, the time has come. Your soul is leaking.And because of what I said, the guy started laughing and his son started laughing so much.
And because of the laughter, he was farting even more.
And I was telling him like, please stop. You're gonna kill me. No, no, it's you. Not me. Not my time yet.
And two days later, the guy actually passed away, and his death was a cherry on top of a life well lived. I don’t know what kind of ending you expect of my stories, but this is real life, I mean, all the stories end that way.
TINA
Living and working with the idea of playfulness and opening up to the discomfort life so often presents is something Sandy has been fostering in her own mind since she was a young girl.
Building fantasy worlds she created in her own mind was a reaction to the restrictions she faced growing up.
Sandy: 3247 - 3309
I developed my sense of humor because I needed it to survive so many things as a, as a child, as a teenager, and later in my life, I started enjoying it.
So maybe I kept playing with this coping skill. It's maybe one of the cheapest and most adaptable coping skills.
3600 - 3800
I was born, born and raised in a family that, uh, is quite conservative in a community that is a little bit restrictive. Closed, I'll say.
Uh, doesn't necessarily celebrate many things. I didn't find enough stimulation in it for me, so I feel I went or run away to my imagination. I really, as a child, lived in my mind.
I created worlds that entertained me for hours. I think I think that's why my sense of play really came from from this, uh, sometimes I had to attend meetings that were quite long for a child, like two hours.
I'm listening to the information that doesn't necessarily stimulate me or motivate me. I had to run away in my mind to many different places.
So I would say I created a world in my imagination that entertained me and allowed me to have fun on my own.
I ran away through art. I survived through art and play, I actually need to play to, to make sense of the world around me.
Through art or my sense of humor, I found my sanity. And my madness, in a way, but in a positive way, no?
TINA:
Sandy’s father died just before the family made the move to Canada. Her relationship with him was a difficult one, something she draws on - again - in a dark way, for her comedy.
TRANSITION TO COMEDY SHOW
SANDY 920 - 1004
My relationship with my dad, uh, improved so much since his funeral because he became more grounded and down to earth. (laughter)
In Lebabnon, during the nineties Pepsi had a campaign where you collect bottle caps and you gather them and exchange them with gadgets that had big Pepsi logos on them.
So my dad died. We lost him to diabetes, but we won two backpacks and the cooler! (laughter)
Yeah, a really good cooler. A big one. Yeah.
1040 - 1112
I was 20 years old when he passed away, but he went, uh, above and beyond for my inheritance.He gave me an abundance of trauma in a compressed zip file to extract long after he's gone.
I don't want to brag, but my daddy issues put the bread on the table of four therapists.
I put their children in summer camp every year.
TINA
Sandy was born just as the civil war that ravaged Lebanon from 1975 to 1990 was coming to an end.Her mother’s siblings were the first to arrive here in Canada.
SANDY 1140 - 1225
We did not choose Canada. Canada chose us actually.
My mom has her sister and two brothers living here, right after the civil war in Lebanon, they came here. So, we wanted to, to immigrate somewhere. And this was the country that welcomed us actually.
SANDY
I grew up on the idea of immigrating to Canada since I was 12 years old, but we kept working on the papers for almost eight years. First time I came to Canada, I was 20 years old.
TINA:
Sandy lived with her maternal grandparents when she first arrived in Canada in 2010. She spent five years with them in Gatineau, where she worked in hospice care. Then she made the move to Montreal, where she earned a Master’s degree in Drama Therapy.
SANDY 1235 - 1414
It's a degree where we learned how to use tools from the expressive art therapies to do the therapy work. So, um, my clients are any person who would go to conventional therapy, psychotherapy, psychodynamic psychotherapy, where they need to work on certain objectives.
Maybe, um, they're dealing with complex change or grief.
Of course, we're going to use talking, but we also use lots of tools from the expressive arts therapies. So we use our imagination, colour, uh, colours, role play, a metaphor, we draw sometimes, we move because trauma, whatever we've lived in our life is scored in our body.
Our body, our nervous system remembers everything that has happened to us, although sometimes we don't have access to it.
And when we're speaking, we stay in the intellectual. So, in drama therapy, our work is more embodied. So, transformation happens at a much deeper level.
Uh, I have witnessed honestly fascinating work and transformative work with the use of art, um, in, in therapy sessions.
TINA:
In addition to one-on-one counseling, Sandy also hosts workshops that incorporate play and movement for small groups who share a common background.
So, some are targeted towards an LGBTQ crowd, other times she will put on a workshop specifically for immigrants and refugees.
SANDY 2720 - 2900
Immigrants or refugees in Canada, for sure, they're dealing with a lot of loss. They lost their countries and coming to a new place to start all over from zero.
And this is not easy. I know this from myself. I had to go through so much to, to adapt to, to this new culture.
I noticed that my sense of humour in this really helped me deal with things.
It was more play. It was more fun.
Sometimes it's one problem after the other, and then it just becomes absurd. Uh, the difficulties, you know, the language, it's a new language. It's a new way of thinking, uh, how people interact with each other, also. It's so different. So, with humor, I was able to connect to others.
And I’m sure this is how it's useful for these refugees or immigrants, maybe to, to be able to laugh at the things that they're going through to connect more to their emotions and their body, uh, to express themselves more. It really offers them more the habit of play, of viewing the same thing from different perspectives, maybe playing with the ideas.
All this in a way or another, um, gives us, like, more creativity, different ways to to deal with problems.
TP:
Jad Moura met Sandy through mutual friends and became a fan of her comedy from the outset.
JAD MOURA 1618 - 1646
It is super inspiring to have a friend like Sandy who, like, really breaks these norms. The topics that they talk about are very human, are very, like, core, and they're very specific.
And I know some people might, like, consider that to be, like, dark humor or gallows humor, but to me personally, like, that's, like, what I grew up with. So, it really, like, resonates with me in such a beautiful way.
TINA
He’s also participated in two of her Play workshops.
JAD MOURA 1852 - 1905
I think it's just a really good highlight of how important community is, how important it is for people to come together, and that's really what I think Sandy has the, you know, that beautiful grace of being able to provide, where they really, like, allow the people to be themselves, and that's very special, that's very sacred.
JAD MOURA 810 - 823
We started with breathing exercises, we found our spots around in the apartment to be comfortable and feel, you know, grounded to the space to be present.
832 - 902
We started moving around space, and Sandy would tell us to imagine, for example, we're walking through the air as if it's thick mud, or as if it's a fruit cake, or if it's now really fluid and in water.
It was a really interesting exercise to just really like have your body kind of interact on a different rhythm. We're so used to and accustomed to this idea of like, always be on the rush, always be in like, you know, a hundred percent productivity. So, slowing down and really taking the time to be grounded and present that was, like, I feel like a good core of, like, how we started out with the game.
1015 - 1050
There was this moment, I can’t remember if it was the first event or the second event, at some pointwe made like a makeshift stage and the entire goal was to basically just exist, where we would be behind the stage and the goal was to show up and present yourself to the room, to the audience, and really just be present and not perform.
And it's, it's such a interesting exercise, like, you know, this is what I think drama therapy does in a way, where you have the opportunity to really, like, explore this idea of just being present and not necessarily needing to perform.
SANDY 1438 (STANDUP TAPE)
So how many of you here is dealing with fatigue? (cheers)
Low back pain? (cheers) Okay.
Stress? (cheers)
Depression? (cheers)
Mood swings? (cheers)
Ok, mean aunt? (cheering) It’s just – see, just my family is dealing with this problem.
SANDY (FROM INTERVIEW) 4300 - 4345
Ah, stand up is so scary. Honestly, every time I'm on stage, I feel I'm putting my heart on my sleeve and showing it to people. Like, look, this is what I have. I would say most of my stand-up is related to traumas, grief, dealing with loss dealing with illnesses.
2330
I feel that even on stage I'm a therapist in a way or another. Um, my mental health background is very present also, I find, on stage. It's dark, but also funny.Thankfully, I hope.
TP:
One show at a time, one joke at a time, one play workshop at a time, Sandy is working towards building a community that fosters connections to one another.
SANDY 3840 - 4100
So because of myupbringing, when I kind of shared with my family that I have different ways of viewing the world, I kind of left that community and I had to create communities, my own community on my own.
So, I had to rebuild that from scratch in Montreal. I started with this collective of Arab artists to have activities or events in the community that would bring people together.
If you spend some time with someone and you laugh a lot with them, really, it becomes a, like -it's a bonding experience.
Sometimes it becomes a spiritual experience. That allows you to trascend, um, through this laughter.
even like when we do stand up and I really feel that I touched people's hearts. I feel the energy of the room changes.
People laughing together really become more connected.
This sharing, sharing our own story help us connect with others. And in the sharing of our stories, where we're showing people actually who we are, we're sharing parts of ourselves. It is very vulnerable. It, uh, it requires honesty also and genuineness because I personally, personally don't find, uh, anything funny if it's not real.
If it's not genuine, uh, I don't find it funny. If, uh, it's not real, it doesn't touch, it doesn't touch me.
JAD MOURA 1905
I think that's wonderful. I think we need more people like that in this world. We need more people in our society that makes us build bridges with each other, with ourselves, with our friends, with our family, with strangers.
And I think that's super important. And the more people like that, I think we will be building a beautiful society for future generations to really enjoy.
TP: If you’d like to hear more stories like this and help new listeners discover this podcast, make sure to rate Countless Journeys on your favourite podcast app or leave us a review.
Countless Journeys comes to you from the Canadian Museum of Immigration at Pier 21, located at the Halifax Seaport. I’m Tina Pittaway. Bye for now.